Sunday, January 19, 2014

AM I A TERRIBLE MOTHER?

Being a mother of two very hyperactive boys isn’t easy. It’s a full time job and I never ever get a day off. Everybody’s your boss because they get to assess your performance depending on how your kids are turning out to be and behaving.


Sometimes I see moms who seem to know exactly what to do. They have kids who follow their every whim and they have children who are perfect, neat and organized. They behave so well it makes me wonder how they do it. I on the other hand seem to be doing things on a trial and error basis.

Veegee and I have done it all, prize charts, time outs, standing in the corner, silent treatment, loud treatment, diplomacy tactics, taking away all privileges and sad to say even spanking-- which we agreed we will never do again. If you know our boys personally you’ll know they are a handful and it takes an army to manage them.

I’ve thought about it long and hard and I’ve decided I am ready to admit that I am NOT a perfect mother, I may never be and I’m ok with that. We have our highs and lows sometimes even very low times where Veegee and I would agree that it’s best to just let it pass. We sometimes both lose our patience and are both clueless if we are doing the right things or not. Parenting can get very overwhelming! What’s great is we know we can never give up. I believe as parents we have an unlimited supply of do-overs and everyday will definitely be different.


With my boys! Miguel is 5 years old and Jaime is 3 years old.
As “imperfect” parents there are days (not everyday) we let our boys play all they want. They will only be kids once, we want them to enjoy and cherish every moment of it.

We let the boys play in the garden and in the rain! We sometimes even join them! :)
 My boys are picky eaters! I’ve tried it all like mashing up vegetables and fruits and sneaking them in together with the crispy chicken skin which they love to eat. They still won’t eat vegetables and fruits so we don’t force them. I figured they will eventually learn to eat healthy as they grow up.

Miguel is finally willing to try different kinds of vegetables and fruits! I decided to stop bugging him to eat; now he is curious and willing to taste almost everything!



We let them eat chocolate and candies after a full meal. I don’t want my boys to wonder how chocolate taste like and why other kids can eat candies and they can’t.

Jaime and his sweet tooth! He takes after me! :) 
One of the most terrible and frowned upon thing we let our children do is drink soft drinks SOMETIMES but not often! For this you can only blame their Papa, he introduced RC to the boys!

We SOMETIMES let the boys drink soft drink, this I know we need to stop doing ASAP!
They have their public meltdowns, not often but it happens. Sometimes at the weirdest time and place like a wedding, in Church or in the middle of a family event. Our boys seem to get us into the most embarrassing situations, sometimes I just want to hide inside a closet. Last Christmas during gift opening time at one of our relative’s home Miguel was given a P1000 bill as a gift  instead of an actual gift wrapped present. He cried and cried and threw a fit, he said “I don’t need money, I don’t want money!” Can you just imagine my surprise when he said those words! We had to explain to him the value of money and how he can use it to buy whatever he wants from the toy store. We never explained to him the value of money, all he knows is that if you work hard and pray hard you will get everything you need and want.

Miguel surprised all of us when he decide to walk down the aisle, no tantrums no drama!! It was a good day! 
During breaks and weekends we let them stay up with us, they go about and do their own thing as we do our own thing too!

These selfies were taken around 1am when the boys said "Mama take our picture!" It was already late but they were still wide awake! 
We sometimes let the e-nanny ( a.k.a. the ipad) do the teaching! It's fun and they learn a lot from that thing!
Ipad time is quiet time in our home! :) 
We don’t have a perfect home, where everything has and is in its place. Boys see everything, they love to touch and feel things thus we no longer display breakable items in house. They are now safely tucked in the attic till the right time comes.

Now at 5 and 3 years old the boys are always fighting. Running after each other and fighting over almost anything and everything.  Without adult supervision I’m afraid they can hurt each other, sometimes when they cry I want to cry along with them. I call it “quiet desperation” but there is nothing I can do but to repeatedly tell them to share, to calm down,  to love one another because they are brothers and all they have is each other.

They were both on TIME OUT after one of their fights! 
 Miguel can ask around a hundred questions a day now, sometimes I don’t know how to answer each and every query. When we watch something he asks so many questions I can no longer understand the movie. I’m happy he is such an inquisitive boy but I have to admit answering each and every question can be sometimes tiring.

This boy can ask so many questions!!!
IN THE END: I think as a mother what matters most is not giving up, learning to BE MORE patient, to give MORE than what is asked and to be MORE understanding. To master maximum tolerance for all things good and bad. To not be tempted to compare my kids with other people’s children. To not strive for perfection but to give my best; my all, to my kids and hope I am doing everything right.

Amidst all these I’d like to think we are all normal, my kids tell me everyday that they love me, they shower me with hugs and kisses even if I don’t ask for it! They seem to be happy and they are thriving. Making friends and developing all types of skills and saying funny things that make so much sense!

They seem normal; not exceptional, but they have potential and I appreciate that. Maybe I’m not such a terrible mother after all but a “normal and real” one just figuring out how to raise two boys in this crazy world. 

Light moments spent with my darling Miguel! :)

Jaime looks innocent but he can be a handful!! :)

5 comments:

  1. Nice topic, im a mom of a 3year old boy and 1year old girl, my son is very active and my little girl is starting to be curious about everything. Our quiet time is ipad and dvd time. Thanks for sharing.
    -aileen sia

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    1. Hello Aileen! I'm happy to know we are not alone in letting the boys enjoy their own "me time" via the ipad and DVD time!! :) Hooray for e-nannies!! :)

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  2. mabellejuneportugal-llagunoJan 19, 2014, 11:32:00 PM

    I feel you maam!!!There are times also that iasked myself if weve been agood par3nts to our kids or not.Because people around us- our relatives especially keeps on telling us that we have an iresponsible,happy going and easy go lucky people in the making.this hurts me all the time.But i just want the best for my kids...now that they are 14 and 12 years old. I see nothing wrong in raising my kids with my kind of style as long as it doesnt fall with what ithink is bad and wrong. I believe im on a right track. My babies will prove them wrong.kudos to us mommy...


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    1. Thanks for your message! At least now I know there really isn't a wrong or right way to raise our kids. It's reassuring to know I am not alone and that there are other moms out there who are like me! :)

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  3. As long as they turn out to be good men in the future, that's fine by me.

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